Don't know why...recently I have been falling in love with writing blog~especially every Sunday night...
I have love to write it out about my mind, heart and feels...
Maybe I am a person who don't know how to express and show my emotion by my speeches...Or
I really had hidden myself in my real life now??
Due to works, I had realized that I'm so damn miss all in my past: my friends, my studies, my life, my trips, my busy time in Mcd~It's free and random...I miss it~
In my bottom heart, I'm crying why should I be so hard for myself??why should I care other people perspectives, why shouldn't I just follow my heart to do what I like and love with??
Every day, I'm scolded by someone, looked down by someone....go back home late....designing as a following dog~
Everyone will ask me...Wouldn't you be tired?Would you still can stand with it??You have no life!!!
Yes, I know...Ya, I'm tired...Ya, I'm may not stand for it one day....Ya, I have no life now...
But I keep telling myself...maybe cheating myself
They scolded me....fine...It's just some rubbish air...
They looked down me....fine....because they still don't know me...
They asked my do like this like that....fine....I'm still a new comer so can't decide anything...
Works is tired....fine...It's just a process...everyone is like tat too...
Work till so late....fine....I have OT pay...
But I really have no life...I have lost my originality, I have lost my previous happiness, I have lost my smiles, I have lost the enjoyment of being a designer...lost my imagination, I lost the time of discovering my favourite interest...and so on~
The only what I get is just MONEY...
It really meaningless for me...because I'm living in an unhappy life with money...sound so pity...
When I saw my friends posted their artworks, photography and some new design ideas...even though they aren't work under a good company with expected salary~
but they did what they like in their more spare time..designer mind is still in active mood....I'm jealous~seriously....
I give myself one year in this company if I still unhappy with it or there is no opportunity for me to exceed and work as a following dog....I will be leaving this company...to pursuit my new life...maybe it sound ridiculous for others...maybe there is no stable salary...
BUT at least, I'm happy...I have time...I can discover new and do anything more to be an designer ...I will creating and training my style ...appreciate an respect of life....I will be my own boss...Live for myself, no others~
ONE YEAR~2013....
2 comments:
omg.......which agency are u working at oh? I'm starting my internship soon le, sounds really scary man after reading your post uwuwwu T_T
working is like that one. by the way, we just need to care about our own stuff and make it nicely。 meanwhile,this was a best way to make the dogs keep their mouths shut.haha
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