Why Everything Goes Wrong After I'm Back???Why

I'm damn sad and frustrated now...is it my bad luck is coming to me this month??
Why all is happened in the same time??

I know I didn't finish to handle it til the end due to I went to China...but I never know why it become like that which worse than what I imagined...This is one of my favourite campaign, it's my baby...but I cant imagined why the final outcomes become like that due to I went to China and you guys doesn't really care of it??Or are we really not on the same line??Why why why become like that??I know I will be scolded next Monday due to you all really aren't responsible to handle these...Why why why?????????My campaign gone...my boss scold...works ruined due to I went China!!!!and you guys didn't care and handle it well....All works that I have done hard had become rubbish....!!!!

Secondly, I have a lot of pending jobs.... initiatives...that haven't finished...while you always think you work alone and all depend on you...sound like you are damn geng and all came from you....You enough la..not only you have work...I also have...I cant help you doesn't mean I leave you alone and do it!!!!!!If you feel in that way then I think you better work with other who are free to help you all the time...I am sien to work with you that always think your ideas is the best~~~~kkla...you are senior....whatever you said and hurt me...is correct one...I don't care...

I plan to do it today but find out I can't do it at home due to I don't have all the files...means I should work it in office but I have totally no time in office....everyone chase these and that...I have no time to do it....I'm really out of time!!!!

Besides, I need to do another job today but my team still haven't fix it and send to me....I cant start and also my yahoo mail totally blocked...I cant open my mail!!!!take files....The days after I back to work....are ruined....everything goes wrong!!!why why why????I want block you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are Not Me~So Don't Tell Me Who to be

This is the song that totally express my feelings through its lyrics
"I hate to break it to you, ...but I' m not drowning"
"Who cares if you disagree, you are not me".....
"So you dare tell me who to be? who died and made....."

Is You Force Me to Do This for You!!!!Motherfucker...

I never been this rude before...but you had succeed to force me to say such things for you!!!!!
Motherfucker~~bitch~~bullock~bastard~~slut~~~
You had spoilt my weekend again and again!!!!
Last Saturday and Sunday rush the stuffs for you...
This week is the same again!!! Besides, this is the last mins brief for me...
This is you and your client communication problem..is not mine...
Why everything is last mins...never prepare anythings for me...
always ask me wait wait and wait....
Bastard~do you think I am a doctor? Always on call 36 hours?? Your client still act slow to give me the copy!!!!!


I had my plan on Saturday and Sunday....now you spoilt it...always ask me to standby at HOME!!!
Idiot~I had my plan to go somewhere...while you attend a talk now!!!!then how's is my stuffs?? wait till late of afternoon??Fuck off!!!!How's My afternoon!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have no life but don't think and make me that I am same to you!!!I have my own life!!!!
You make yourself on being a working slave....but I'M NOT!!!!!
Motherfucker~~~~once you spoilt my weekend, it will totally sopilt my whole week in the office!!!
My passion spirit is not for you!!!!is for my boss~don't act like my boss!!!!!
Is your client problem~she is slow and last mins....no one will help her finish those rubbish on time~
TAT'S YOU BOTH PROBLEM!!!!!!!...Bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Never spoilt my weekend again!!!if not I will just ignore what you give it to me "LAST MINUTES"....
IDIOTS!!!!!

I Have Been Different From Now On

I feel I have been changed after attending an amazing training during this weekend,
In this training, I realize a lot about myself.
I feel I had find back myself who someone always hidden in my deep heart.
Beside, I had realized that how can I be a better man who I wish to be..

Before the training,
I always unsatisfied about my works, colleagues, boss and anythings in works..
I am frustrate everyday, complaining everyday, always feel everyone wears mask in reality life so fuck off.
I start to hate life, hate my works, hate everyone who are unfriendly with me.
Becoming quiet and keep silence all the time, keep distance from boss and so on.
Somehow I had forget how to speak out, present, explain my things, work or express myself.
I feel I had lost the ability to speak and express.Hiding deep and deeper in my heart.
I had try to escape myself from work in office and keep planing to do this,do that to leave my working life.
It means that I had totally forgotten what is my passion, my dream, my strength, my confidence, my everything and keep re-size myself smaller smaller and smaller among the people. Just like a supper little puppet walking lost in this busy noisy city.

After the training,
I find out why I'm so far with each other, why I feel fake from others, why I can't just like others have a nice and happy relationship and chitchat topics with boss and certain colleagues.
The answer is I am the one who made this happen due to I never opened myself to people first, I never be showing truly myself to people first. It just like people never be honest or trust you once you are also never be honest or trust to them. It is some kind of reflection of myself. How they did to you just as how you did to them.

Secondly, before this, I feel that is situation made me be like this. I blame situation, blame environment, blame reality world to make me keep quiet or silent. However, I'm wrong. I lost the ability to speak out or express due to myself, due to my stupid inner face and image. I'm not dare to speak out my opinion because I afraid of speaking wrong things or in wrong timing, afraid of being judged, afraid of rejected, afraid of being  look stupid when saying wrong things. Actually, it just about that I stupidly care my face. I thought this is the way to keep my confidence since didn't be judge and failed but oppositely it had entirely bring me down, I lost my confidence silently and slowly instead.

Thirdly, I had luckily met all of the mentors, Ben, Joseph, Richie, Alvin and Hasim. All of them are the kind of powerful people in Advertising industry such as GM, ECD, CD or brilliant strategy planner,Draft. They look young, professional, passionate about everything what they did, how they climb until this high level.
They had shown me how to be a great people like them, just like Ben, the way he speak, his concentration of noting down what he listen, learn even though he already be a GM. He is still hardworking, self-learning from the mistakes, and kind to say goodbye to everyone. He is polite and tell us a lot of being better and better.

Keeping on is Joseph, a cute strategy thinker and good guider for me. He is willing to teach us a lot, like what should we think when we have received a brief, guide us how to analysis our thinking to be a key message or ideas, he also teach us how to help each other to interpret our thinking by speaking out anything in our mind instead of just work ourselves separately, brainstorming ourselves lonely. Beside, he had trying to     pull me back, encourage me to speak and express more until I realize I'm still creatively functioning in my brain that I had in Uni life. He is as same as SONNY, who our group leader.

Thanks SONNY so much, the one who able might can read me, encourage me, pull me back from the dark corner, making me feel more confident to show, express, approach.

Thanks everyone who's with me in "SHINE" training, from 15 June- 17 June 2012.
I will always remember to be real me, open myself to everyone, set my intention who and what I want to be, make a different since today.

A Short Coffee Time

Today, I wrote this post which doesn't mean that I'm sad.
Think of another way, I was happy and appreciate what I have now.
Firstly, I should thanks to one of my friends who had introduced me a great place where I can have a relief and find back myself.

At the beginning, I decided to go there alone with my laptop, sinking in music rhythms and enjoying a cup of nice coffee. However, I had decided to ask few friends to join me due to I had knew that there are some problems is happened in their life. I knew they are tired of life, unhappy with their current situations and so on. Hence, I hope to share with them about this new place where they might can to have a relief as me.

Previously, I can say that we are best friends to each other but we never share our unhappiness stuffs to each other since we just hope to bring happiness to each other. However, today, we had shared everything no matter is happy or unhappy or even a secret. We know more and better to each other so I know that "friends doesn't mean just bring you the happiness and even cure you about your scars, just be a listener"...

In our conversations, I had found out everyone had their own problems in their deep heart no matter is works, friends or family. They might looks tough and strong in normal days but somehow there is somewhere bleeding in their heart, in their life that we never realize or know. People always face the different problems in their own life or hiding themselves in somewhere everyday. Only the privy will know the difficulties and taste the hurt.

Seriously I had know a lot about my friends today maybe due to the environment. They had released and spoke out their feel and thought. I'm happy to hear that. I introduced this place for them due to doesn't mean that I want to know the gossip of them. Instead, I just hope them might have a place to release even though just awhile for themselves alone.

Love you guys~appreciate what we have done tonight~Sweet dream^^

One Year~~2013

Don't know why...recently I have been falling in love with writing blog~especially every Sunday night...
I have love to write it out about my mind, heart and feels...
Maybe I am a person who don't know how to express and show my emotion by my speeches...Or
I really had hidden myself in my real life now??

Due to works, I had realized that I'm so damn miss all in my past: my friends, my studies, my life, my trips, my busy time in Mcd~It's free and random...I miss it~
In my bottom heart, I'm crying why should I be so hard for myself??why should I care other people perspectives, why shouldn't I just follow my heart to do what I like and love with??

Every day, I'm scolded by someone, looked down by someone....go back home late....designing as a following dog~
Everyone will ask me...Wouldn't you be tired?Would you still can stand with it??You have no life!!!
Yes, I know...Ya, I'm tired...Ya, I'm may not stand for it one day....Ya, I have no life now...
But I keep telling myself...maybe cheating myself

They scolded me....fine...It's just some rubbish air...
They looked down me....fine....because they still don't know me...
They asked my do like this like that....fine....I'm still a new comer so can't decide anything...
Works is tired....fine...It's just a process...everyone is like tat too...
Work till so late....fine....I have OT pay...

But I really have no life...I have lost my originality, I have lost my previous happiness, I have lost my smiles, I have lost the enjoyment of being a designer...lost my imagination, I lost the time of discovering my favourite interest...and so on~
The only what I get is just MONEY...
It really meaningless for me...because I'm living in an unhappy life with money...sound so pity...
When I saw my friends posted their artworks, photography and some new design ideas...even though they aren't work under a good company with expected salary~
but they did what they like in their more spare time..designer mind is still in active mood....I'm jealous~seriously....

I give myself one year in this company if I still unhappy with it or there is no opportunity for me to exceed and work as a following dog....I will be leaving this company...to pursuit my new life...maybe it sound ridiculous for others...maybe there is no stable salary...

BUT at least, I'm happy...I have time...I can discover new and do anything more to be an designer ...I will creating and training my style ...appreciate an respect of life....I will be my own boss...Live for myself, no others~

ONE YEAR~2013....

I Will Waiting That Day for Coming~

I know it will be quite a long time & maybe not...

If the day is coming, I will wait for that...

Hope it will be true in one day~as the "realize"is found out..

It's a deal~

It is almost 3 am now...

I just realized that I really hope to write down something during the midnight time~

I know it might be forgot after a year~

I know it might not be back after a year~

A lot of things might be changed after a year~

We live in a busy life..

More than thousand of people are passed by our shoulders...and sights everyday...

It is uncountable and unpredictable...

One day, it might be changed and forgot since the truly appears in a sudden...

It will unexpectedly influence anythings...

It will washed away all the memories...and deals...cruelly

It will be nothing and seem like it never been happened in the past...

Just like a piece of scribbled paper is tear off into thousand pieces of the past which never been reminded or remembered...

It's Nothing who will NEVER remember it or even refresh it in mind...

Just Let it be if after a year~If in that way~

It's just a deal for a year~

Blank Minded

Today is my second day~It's freaking damn suck~

I keep feel that I am super stupid in everything....just like...not look like...is exactly a new user in illustrator even though I had been used it around 3 years..Really shame of it!!!!

I feel that I had keep asking and making mistakes that I shouldn't did it since I am an designer....

However, the "production" is really out of my knowledge...which I never did that perfectly before any printing I had done~It's definitely different with school assignments, internship and other company.

I am sad and afraid of making problems for people....Since today, I swear a lot from now on...

1. Store the knowledge quickly in my brain once they taught me.

2. Never making troubles for people so it will be done instantly.

3. Stay strong when getting some problems and criticism.

4. Take it as advices because it will be one of the key for your future success.

5. More you learn, more you will move forward to your dream and success

6. People born for learning in life and everything. Starting of life is learning new...

7. Get through might be hard since it's just a little storm in the middle part of road. There is always a light beam out there. Brightness is always at the end for us.

8. Learn like others who said we should know anything even though a designer: production, servicing, marketing, advertising, designing, copy writing and all areas.

9. Swear to insist and fully learn all the knowledge in the company before I leave.

10. Prepare well before hunting at the more challenging and horrible outside world.

11. Challenging means you are becoming better once you had successfully done it.

A great Creative Director should knows well done in all progressions and areas. I am learning the beginning part: production.

I am a new sponge with blank minded...I am stupid right now.

Next Target: Meet client within 1 year.

Don't Know Why Recently~

There are a lot of unhappy things are happened around me...

My bad luck had followed me since last year end~when can it be end??WHEN!!!

During these few months, I have tasted a lot such as betray and cheat which are the most I hate in my life...

I seriously don't know why some people never treat friendship is such a precious relationship...

Why they always try to destroy it by behind...BETRAY!!act fake in front of me...

Why you didn't tell me the "News" since I expected you will tell me one day...fine~CHEAT ON ME!!!

Fine...Maybe the word "friendship"that I have took it as a precious gift.... doesn't means anything for you.

Thanks for the "hurt" experience that you gave to me..."common friendship"

But I promised that I never be you who never cherish "friendship"...

I will still love my friends and my family....forever and ever...

I just want to tell you "we are end over here" since BETRAY & CHEAT are never been forgave by "Taurus" Me.....

Sorry and Goodbye~

Stay Back in That Moments

Sometimes...we should stay back and looking around....

No matter is things, incidents, people....or even a tree....clouds....there are part of our eye's views in this life....a precious moment of our life....CHERISH IT!!

Time is ticking, passing by... & flying away cruelly without any excuses...

We are preparing to fly everywhere....away from our nest....

We are preparing to meet millions of people....from everywhere

We are preparing to face more and more challenges and obstacles in our life..

Learn to solve it by ourselves...

Sometimes....we might be getting tired during this long journey...

Wings might get hurt even bleeding deep inside because of the wind or branches..

Learn to stand it...accept it...

Sometimes we might felt lost on the track...doing wrong things...making wrong decisions...

We might be chasing blindly to the materialistic, lifestyle and miss out the precious moments from the surrounding...

Slow down the steps, take a deep breath on the side of the track...

Flying back to the nest...to have a relief...get back the warmness, having the truly advises in the familiar conversation that you might have losing it since quite a period of time.

Finally we are back to the "nest"...

The simple life we had, the simple conversation we had, the comfort feel we had...

We just had catching "the simple and easy moment" even though it's short, a few minutes or second...It's enough and precious when stepping on the track of life...

Cherish the simple~"JUST"