I Had Made a Decision~A Change of Me

Recently, there are a lot of thought had passed by my mind~
Inner souls are started talking, whispering, discussing everyday.

For a lot of things~
my future, my destiny, my life, my existence of this world, my philosophy, my meaning of life and happiness.
There are a lot of things had been happened in these two months. It changed me a lot.
Suddenly, I feel that I grow up rapidly in this short period of days. Because I had think through my life indeed.

I had knew what I really want.
Seriously, some people said I'm still new and there are a lot that I have to learn. Yes, indeed.
But the bad cycle in Malaysia advertising is never be ended. It will still continuing appear in my life every day, every year. I do believe other countries are better than us a lot and a lot due to they believe "change" "brave""adventurous""willing to try".....that never happened in Malaysia where always play safe. It totally is not what I want.

Sometime, I really forget what is art, what is design, why I like design. I have totally lose the philosophy of art due to the business consideration. I have forget the original reason and mindset that I love art, design and advertising~...because I believe ideas can change people life and change the world to be better place.
But I believe that I never can be done in here, Malaysia.

So~
I had decided to use my way to continue the spirit of advertising, design and ideas with new era~
Generation-Y, young people never stuck in one place, we did go out to adventure and believe the miracle of changing this world. This is what I want, my way, my thought, my philosophy start from here.

What Should I Do?

I'm damn sad this month~
Firstly, there are so many jobs.
Seconds, those are big jobs.

Recently, I have a pitching~that I never handle or involve before.
This time I really did a shit works...
There are so many things have to think off within one week.
Idea, Plan journey, DI, Design, Art direction, Visualise it.
Those technique, knowledge, skills and so on~I have nothing on it.
I'm not good, bad, slow, misunderstood, blur, no skills at anythings.

Seriously, I have totally lose my confidence this time.
I have totally crumble and collapse this time.
I have lost my determination, my courage, my persistence, my dream and my future that I wish before...
All are just a illusion...

Everyday, I do, think, reject, be chased, do, think, reject, be chased, do, think, reject, be chased.
I repeating doing the same things everyday for end up nothing even though just few had been succeed to be proceeded and published.

= I'm tired with this cycle non-stop everyday in my life.
= I'm tired with those discouragement, teases, criticism that hurt me and break my dream indeed.
= I'm also tired of work like hell, losing my time with my family, friends, my exercise time, gaining weight, facial problems and so on...

So, I have
= No Time, No Health, No Friendship and "Familyship"
= Not Fit, Not Pretty, No Life and those totally make me lose my confidence.
I don't work like that but I love this career....I want to learn all the knowledge, skills and thinking.

BUT NOW~
I scare, confuse, seriously don't know what should I do...
THIS JOB MAKE ME SAD, UNHAPPY, LOSING MYSELF, NO LAUGH, STRESS, COMPLICATED BUT END UP DUNNO WORK FOR WHAT...

I just want to be myself, laugh with my family & friends, go sweating, feel the nature...
I DON'T CARE THE MONEY~EARNING~WHICH CAN'T GET BACK MY HAPPY LIFE.
I want to make my other dreams to be reality...*live, happy, laugh, simple*